Fucked

I always have a thing where when we come back from visiting family, I crave a thorough fucking to put my head back on straight.  When we go home, my agency is all my own and I don’t get much in the way of Mastery from Mat because we are not always together, or we’re incredibly busy, and normally my orders are just blowjobs before bed, and the occasional lay.  When we get back home, it’s nearly always that I get savaged at least once.  It’s rather nice.  :D

Naturally, last night I was really craving it.  I felt kind of debased and it was gnawing at me.  Mat got home from work, I stripped down, and we settled in to bed.

At one point he started rubbing on me and kissing me.  I was in this state where I was sure I could be raging horny with the right persuasion.  I started back but really I was feeling kind of lukewarm.

After a moment he stood up and got off the bed.  I looked up just as he snatched me by the collar and hauled my head over the side of the bed, his dick hanging in front of my face.  I fucking love this position, with my head hanging over the side of the bed, ripe for throat fucking.  It triggers something in me that needs his dick in my mouth NOW, and this time was no exception.  I jumped forward and swallowed him and moaned.  I couldn’t help it.

He fucked my throat, grabbing and clenching my tits hard in his hands, moaning.  It was absolutely divine.  He grabbed the crop and cracked me on the thigh, telling me to spread my legs, and he cropped my thighs and pussy until I screeched for him to stop because it is a bad kind of hurt when he crops my clit, especially with my VCH in.  He obliged me, and resume cropping my thighs while I sucked his dick like I’d never taste it again.

He ordered me to bend over the bed, which I did quickly.  I felt him behind me, then I heard the bottle of lube open.  I felt a cold drop drip onto my ass and pussy, and I knew what was coming next.  I was right.  The buttplug was lined up and pushed in.  Shortly after, so was Master’s dick.

He fucked the ever living daylights out of me.  The crazy things about the buttplug in tandem with sex is it feels like I’ve been double penetrated.  I mean, techinically I have been, but you know what I mean, and it’s fucking HOT.  Now, I hate anything to do with my ass.  It just doesn’t feel that great.  Doesn’t hurt (though we haven’t tried buttsex since Master got his Prince Albert, which I imagine would’t tickle) but I don’t derive any pleasure from it.  I was going crazy though.  He put my leash on and held it taut the entire time, and it was so good to be on a leash again.  I don’t get leashed nearly enough.

 

He flipped me onto my back and told me to play with my tits and clit for him.  As I started to come close to orgasm, I started frantically begging him to let me orgasm.  Now, I don’t have to ask, but I flet I should, and I would have bartered anything at that point.  He waited a solid ten seconds before saying okay and I came HARD.  Shortly after that, so did he.

I was way out in subspace, all fuzzy and happy.  I went and cleaned up and we retired for the night.

Woke up this morning a happy slave girl.  Sucked Master’s dick, we ran some errands, and now I’m about to start cooking.

Guilty of Blog Neglect

So yeah, I’ve kinda neglected my poor little blog.

So, things happening.  Not much, actually.  Went home to see family, or my dad however.  My mom blew me off, so I didn’t see her.  Someone suggested taking some time and writing her a letter, then sending it to her since she won’t afford me a face-to-face meeting.  I think I’ll have to do that.

Not much happened when we went home.  I gave my dad an early Christmas gift.  An Under Armour mock for hunting, since they are so nice and toasty.  i have one myself for the cold weather and it’s great.  Went out to sushi dinner with Mat and his mom.  Chilled with some friends and had a great time.  Did the turkey thing the next day, went home the day after.  It was very quick.  Got to see family, and got to chill with my dog.  It was good.

We got back to WV and it’s just been workworkwork.  Tomorrow we both have the day off, but then school starts again on Monday.  :(  i’m so burnt out on school.  So burnt out.

Other than that, we just gotta get back into the swing of things.  Tomorrow will be pretty busy.  I plan on cooking, cleaning, and pounding out a ten page paper.  Should be interesting.

Though I’ve been without my collar for four days, since I took it off, and left it in WV, in preparation for the meeting with my mother that didn’t happen.  I got home from work tonight, removed the necklace I had worn to work, then click on my collar.  I felt secure again.  The unending circle around my neck is a huge comfort that is hard to explain.  I know a lot of s-types will nod at what I’m saying, but anyone else, I imagine it would be a foreign concept.  To me, though, it’s a security blanket I’m glad to have back.

I’m home.  I missed home so much.

Now, for kinky sex.  I could use some.

Craving

I’m craving a beating.  I want to be thrashed within an inch of my life.  I want to be chained/tied down, bound/restrained, then have the merciful fuck beat out of me.  I want to be re-broken, re programmed.  I want to be “re-booted” to be a compliant little slave.  Master’s perfect little toy.  I’m thirsting after it.

Yet I have a love/hate relationship with pain.  I wantwantwant it when it’s not being inflicted on me.  When it IS being inflicted on me, I’m cursing Master with every ounce of my being for the audacity of laying a finger on me.  I love the fear of pain, the threat of pain, being bent like a pretzel to my Owner’s will.

Part of me want to be broken to the leash again.  I haven’t been physically put on a leash in months.

Though I do wonder what drives me towards these masochistic tendencies.

Boots

So.

I finally got around to wearing my boots out and about in public.  Regardless of the face I probably looked like a tart, I wore them anyway.  They are too sexy to not wear amongst the general public.

So, without further ado beneath the cut, my boots. 

Dinner

So I had some of my friends over for dinner last night.  D, a girl I work with, her boyfriend T,  and D’s little boy L for I met for the first time that night.  I also had my very close friend N over.  I spent most of the day cooking and I was BEAT.  I had only about four hours of sleep but dammit I was gonna cook dinner.  I rolled out a pretty large meal.  a 20lb turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, green bean casserole, and candied yams.  (Doesn’t sound like a lot but it took up all of my counter-space.)  N brought us pumpkin pie.  D and T brought us mini-sandwiches, a portobello casserole, deviled eggs, and a cheesecake platter.  We had A LOT of food.

Dinner didn’t get served on ime and they turkey dried out a bit.  :/  I mostly played with L for a while.  He’s two and loves everybody, especially if you’ll play with him, so I spent a lot of time with L.  The guys excused themselves to the back deck to take a smoke break, prolonging dinner even longer.  By the time they all got back, dinner was started to get cold.    We ate, and I thought it was delicious.  So did Mat.  N ate quite a bit, but I don’t know, I got the very distinct feeling that dinner flopped, which is disappointing considering how much time I had put into it.  Mat insists I’m overthinking it, that it was great, but I just don’t think so.

After T, D, and L left, we shot the shit with N, who we don’t see nearly enough.  N left a while later and our friend F showed up.  Stoner that he is, he eyeballed all the food and flashed a huge grin at me, then went to town.    I can always count on F to eat my food.

When everyone left, I just stood back and looked at all the food we had left.  Not many people (besides Mat and F) had seconds, which contributes to my thoughts that dinner was served with fail.  That might be my issue, though, because I mother people with food.

But now I had a lot of meat left over for soups and whatnot.  We’re going home to see family on Thanksgiving, and coming home the following day because of Mat’s work. I’m also going to get my Dad an early Christmas gift, an Under Armour mock, for when he goes hunting after Thanksgiving.  I’ll probably have to go see some of Mat’s family, though I’m not sure when exactly.  Should be very tiring, considering I still have to see my mom.

However classes are over for the next week.  Yay!

Now to go get ready for work.

Used

While cuddling with my owner the other night I asked if he could give me a backrub because my back was really sore. He said he would, and gave me a very awesome backrub the did wonders for the knots in my shoulders.

He had spent the prior ten minutes, straddling my lower back, rubbing away when he decided that was plenty. Without missing a beat, he tapped my (naked) hip.

“Ass up.” I looked back at him like I hadn’t heard him right. He waited a moment then said it again, a touch more insistant.

“I just had a nice relaxing back rub! Arching my back like that will undo all you just did.”. I said back, trying to worm my way out of this. He snorted.

“That doesn’t matter. Ass up.” And he was right. As he shiney-thing wearer, it didn’t matter that my relaxing massage would be for naught. What did matter was Master wanted to partake in use of his slave.
Dutifully, if reluctantly, I arched my back and lined him up. He pushed into me, met with resistance because I wasn’t wet at all.

The crazy part about that was how amazing it was. He pushed into me, regardless of the fact that I wasn’t ready for him at all. I wasn’t prepared for sex. I didn’t necessarily want it, but he took it anyway. When he was in to the hilt. A wave of pleasure hit me. It was intensely erotic, and I couldn’t help but moan. He fucked me, roughly, quickly, in it only for him. He took me for his pleasure only and it was insanely hot. When he came, I felt a touch accomplished. I felt fulfilled for that moment.
Of course my back hurt again. Heh.

I was friended by a rapist on Facebook

***Trigger warning!***

I woke up from my nap with Mat and went out into the living room.  Picking up my iPhone, I opened up my mail to see if I had any.  I did have some email, and clear at the bottom of the list of new mail was a friend request on Facebook.  I looked to see who it was and said “Fuck no.” outloud, even though I was the only one in the room.

The guy had raped a friend of mine.  In her deep shame she never brought it up to anyone.  She brought it up to me when his younger brother had come into the club where we both worked.  I said I had been surprised she knew the guy, when she said of course she did, T, the older brother, had raped her a couple years back.  She was so drugged to the gills with cocaine that she spoke of it as matter-of-factly like it were the weather.  I was floored by what she said, and how she said it.

This guy, along iwht his two brothers and sister, lived right up the street from the house I grew up in.  I can’t pass that house without thinking of what my friend had said.  The last time I laid eyes on T I wanted to throw up.

And then he friends me on Facebook.  I glanced through his profile, and looking at him makes me sick.  In a physically ill kind of way, and a thoroughly disgusted kind of way.  He’s a monstrosity that I loathe looking at.

Fuck no, I won’t be your fucking friend.

Leaving

Rather, I am unable.

I was over at Emma’s blog, reading how she can’t leave, because of her “programming” installed in her by her owner. Through most if it I was nodding. I can’t leave either, but for different reasons.

He’s not stopping me. He has told me before I am free to leave, if I truely want it. But I can’t.

My entire life has become constructed around him. He is my partner, the man I’ve been with, through highs and really low lows, since I was seventeen. My bond with him is strong as steel.

Even during the Spectacular Implosion, I could not bring myself to actually leave him. I could not fathom being apart from him, moving out, actually leaving him. Even as I did things no human should ever do to the person who loves them, the thought of leaving did not occur to me.

These days I can’t leave. He is my owner, my Master, my partner, my mate, my love. I belong to him, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My place is here, at his side, where he wants me to be.

I cannot fathom a life outside of him. He makes up my identity as much as I am apart of his. It has become that he is my life.

It’s complicated to explain.

Boring

So we’ve been a couple of boring people lately. We haven’t been doing much of anything. Work, school, and so on. Sex here and there. Cooking.

Oh! I found a lovely side-benefit for Master, with regard to his piercing. He has a Prince Albert, an while it seemed like he was going to pass out from pleasure the first couple weeks he had it, when we had sex, it mellowed out an became a really sexy decoration. It’s pierced just to the right of his frenulum. I found out that if I flick my tongue over the frenulum of his dick, he starts squirming and gasping. Apparently his jewelry is resting right against the nerve and strumming said nerve makes for delicious sensations on his part. I simply love it, the grins it inspires is amazing and I love making him feel this way. I have to be careful though, as it seems like it can be too much for him at times. I love it, though.

I got my boots, and I’m trying to convince Mat to take picures of me in them. I’m almost afraid to wear them out, though, as they might make me look like a complete tart. I ought to find a better belt for my sweater dress so I can wear them out when it gets a touch colder.

I’ll be playing hostess on thursday, which I can’t wait. Im hosting a thanksgiving dinner for a few friends, which will be amazing. I have to plan it carefully, since I have class earlier in the day, but I can do it!

I spoke with Master and he said we can have a real Christmas tree this year. We had a fake tree the last couple christmases because A.) we had pet rats and they are sensitive to pine phenols and B.) Mat was/is allergic to pine. As a kid he had a very mild allergic reaction when his parents put up a real tree for Christmas. His mother decided no more real trees. I, however, grew up with having a real tree at Christmas and I miss it. There is nothing quite like it. I asked him about it, since the pets are gone, an he said we can get one!!! I’m so excited. . I need to orchestrate it carefully, though, from where we will get it, to what we will do with it after Christmas.

Speaking of Christmas, I have Master’s gift all planned out. It’s small, but I think he’ll really like it. Both parts of it. (hehehe!! I love teasing him about his gift every Christmas). I have to pick out the first part, then order it, then go pick up the second part. I also have to order the other gifts for my parents and friends.

Master has been saving his tips from work for my gift, and I can’t help but notice the wad of money is getting kinda big. I do wonder what he’s planning, but a part of me feels he should spend that much on me. I mean, you know? He could buy himself something nice. I just want to see his face when he opens his gift from me. He only vets to open one, though. He can’t open the other. I mean, he could, but not in a traditional sense.

Anyway, sitting at work, hoping they let us go early. We’ve had literally no customers all night. I hate weeks like this.

But I’ll be happier on Thursday. I can’t wait!

20 Things About Me, Sexually Speaking

I was reading Coquitten and she listed a hundred things about her sexual life.

Well, I’m boring, so I probably won’t make it to 100.  He IS a few.  (This struck me as fun, lol)

1. I lost my virginity at 18.  The event was very much planned down to the time, place, and activities.
2. Mat was my first for everything heterosexual.
3. I lost my “homosexual virginity” when I was 15.
4. I was so scared of peen when I started fooling around with Mat that I could. not. bring myself to look at it.
5. I enjoy looking at (tasteful) photos of erects penises, but most pictures of vulvas just doesn’t do it for me.
6. Mat had the bondage straps from a pair of my pants on his headboard in his mothers house, in plain view, for over a year.  Yes, they were used.
7. Shortly AFTER I started giving Mat oral sex, my orthodontist installed back-braces on the back of my teeth.  Made things a little tricky.
8. My nipples are the numero-uno way to get me horny, and Mat knows this.  he often employs them against me when I really don’t want sex.  He knows they are the magic “on-button.”
9. Shoulders, backs, and forearms are such a turn on on guys.  Srsly.
10. I find high heels to be incredibly sexy.  Anything with a high arch, which is why I would probably masturbate with a pair of Christian Louboutin Hyper Prives, aside from they fact that they are my most coveted shoe.
11. I find the spot between the neck and shoulder to be incredibly erotic, and catching a glimpse of it under the collar of a man’s shirt is like looking down a woman’s blouse for me.
12. Mat is a rather fuzzy, and I love it
13. I don’t have a foot fetish, but neatly painted toenails on a girl is kinda sexy.  Bonus point if the polish is fuck-me red.
14. I want to fuck a girl while she is wearing black patent peep-toe heels.
15. I’m more manly than Mat sometimes.  We’ll see the same girl, I’ll comment on her legs, he’ll comment on her face.  I’ll then realize I never looked that high.
16. I’ve never understood the idea of using food (whipped cream, chocolate, etc) during sex.  Not my thing.
17. I want a play-thing, specifically female.  I want a pretty on a leash.  While I’m in no position to take a slave, the idea is pretty hot.
18. I still want that Hephaistos, but I’m not sure how practical it would be.
19. I love tiny Chuck-Taylors wearing lesbians with cute, shaggy haircuts.  I drooled over one at the local gay club the last time we were there.
20. I’ve fooled around with so many girls in my line of work.  I love my job, lol.